Charlotte Grace

Though I am working daily on quilt related items, I really have nothing to show, so I thought I would share a little about myself. I became a mother at 21 and again at 25. I was a really GOOD mom! Ask my boys! Well, at almost 40 years old God had a different plan for me. I felt a little like Sarah and Abraham must have. It was a total shock. I was not pregnant though that doesn't stop God. I am getting ahead of myself.

Let me go back....the year was 1994. At that time my oldest son was 12 and I was in the habit of journaling during my morning prayer time. On one specific day, my heart became overwhelmed with the urgency to pray for a child. The Lord impressed the name Charlotte Grace **** (insert my last name) and I wrote her name down in my journal. I told my 12 year old son, I think the Lord is telling me to pray for your daughter. He rolled his eyes and said something like "Great Mom. You do that." It was not unreasonable for me to think this, as my mother's name is Charlotte and my Grandma's name was Grace. 3 more times in 6 months God laid that name and child on my heart. Well, life went on and the journal was filled, filed and forgotten. OK, jump ahead with me to the year 2001. We had just moved back to our home town after being away for 20 years and our oldest son had graduated and was in the Army. Our youngest son Kyle, now almost 15, had just started in a wonderful school for special needs kids after being home schooled and life was looking pretty good. Then God moved. My husband's niece called me in tears and said she needed help. Her sister's little girl was staying with her, her own 1 year old needed her attention and she had just lost a baby. We did not have close contact with this part of my husbands family but my niece had felt close to us since she was little. Her sister, whom we had not seen nor heard from in years had lost 2 children to the state for neglect and now #3 was taken away for "environmental hazard". The state said she could go home in a couple of weeks after things were cleaned up. My niece said she was having trouble taking care of 2 little ones as this child was so "needy". I talked to Sweet Hubby and he said she could stay with us until things were ok to go home. The day I picked her up she ran to the door, hair in pig tails, bangs cut to the scalp, a dress 3 sizes too big and the wildest eyes I had ever seen. She promptly said "Hi! My name is Charlotte and did you know if you squeeze a mouse while it's alive it's eyes pop out, but if you squeeze it when it's dead you have to pick them out yourself." OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?! I took her home and she happily went with me, even though I was a stranger, talking all the way. Did the girl ever breath?? I had spent the day before moving my sewing room into the guest room and setting up a place for Charlotte to sleep. I thought of putting her in the guest room, but it was not set up for a 3 year old child. We made a stop for some clothes, socks, underwear, shoes and jammies. She did not know what jammies were...never had any. Well I decided I would take this 2 weeks and spoil her with all kinds of girlie stuff. It was a new experience for me too, only having boys.

I will fast forward now, as the details are way too long and, mostly not nice. After hearing the never ending stories that Charlotte told, we hired a lawyer and fought to keep this precious little girl from going back to what ended up being alot more than environmental hazard. It has not been easy and in alot of ways I questioned if I had done the right thing. Just before the adoption, I really began to question if this was what I should do. I had always felt like a good mother and that feeling was fading fast with each regular failure where this little girl was concerned. She was very hurt emotionally. I can tell you those first 3 years are SO important. It was a struggle within myself. I prayed and got NOTHING! One day right before the adoption, I was going through some boxes and that old journal jumped out at me. I opened it up (remember I am sentimental) and the name Charlotte Grace **** jumped out at me. It all came flooding back 7 years later. Could this be right? I heard God speak to my heart about this for the first time. "The name I gave you is the name you will give her. It was always meant to be her name." Even though Charlotte came to me with the first name of Charlotte, her middle and last names were different. 2 years after coming to us, she became Charlotte Grace. She LOVES her name more than any child I have ever met. We call her Charlie alot but she likes to be called Gracie too. She had a really rough start in this life and as she is getting older she is asking some tough questions like "Why did you wait til I was 3 to rescue me?" I never told her I rescued her. "Why did God let that happen to me?" The answers don't come easily, but I tell her God doesn't make mistakes. He helped her survive by giving her a 124 IQ and more street smarts than most adults have. This child is going to be something big in God's plan. I tell her that all the time. She is finally starting to trust and allow love to enter in. She wants to be a mommy, a singer, a teacher, a quilter, and maybe in her spare time a beautician. She is able to run and play and fight with her brother. I believe God had me write her name, not once, but 4 times, because He knew me well enough to know I would doubt myself in this situation. Now anytime I feel like I am not what she needs, I remember how God gave me her name 3 1/2 year before she was born and 7 years before she came to me. And I remember what I tell her...God does not make mistakes.