Control Freak

I had to snap a picture of that cloud. It was the view from my front porch at dusk last night. You can't tell from the photo, but the top cloud was a bright pink. It really was gorgeous! OK, so onto my thoughts this morning. I am a control freak. I am sure most of you have figured that out about me by now. The problem is, I have control over NOTHING in my life at this point. I think life and God are trying to teach me something. I do not drink and drugs were never a problem for me because I do not like the feeling of being out of control. I was not born an organized person so I have to work very hard to maintain any sort of order in my world. My son Kyle had over 100 seizures a day from the time he was 6 weeks old til he was 12 years old. No control over any of that! My first son, Bud, was born with a cleft lip and palate, surgeries from 3 months old and on. No control! Life happens everyday and we have no control. Now Charlotte and Zachary come into my life. True blessings, but again, daily situations where I have no control. Now the problem with all this is, I feel these situations should be something I can control. As a mother I have a need to "fix" things. I could not fix my son's lip, though I could see that someone else did. I could not fix Kyle's brain, though God took care of that once I released the desire to control it myself. Try as I might, I can not fix the damage that was done by the womb and the vampire! Still, no control. What can I do? I can find an area of my life where I can have control. I can make myself organized!! I can control that, right? Is it wrong to want control over things? Not the kind of control where everyone else has to bend to your way of thinking or life. I am talking about the kind of control that brings order and peace. The kind of control where everything feels right with the world. I have noticed that Charlotte and Zach seem to thrive in a clean, organized environment. When there is chaos and clutter, disorder reigns. Now I figured out where the term "disorderly conduct" comes from!!

So for some of you it may seem that daily, control freak cleaning is a waste of time, but I have learned that the effect it has on my family makes things much easier here. I also want to make sure there is balance. I am not a clean fanatic by nature, though I would not call myself a slob...well maybe I would. I think I told Sweet Hubby the other day that I was a slob. This was after cleaning a room that had been neglected for a while. He did not disagree, though he is a born clean freak! He helps alot and has no problem cleaning. I just don't want him to. Again, control. So, back to balance. I put my main housekeeping tool away for the summer as I felt it was routine. Big mistake. I get sidetracked so easily (no, I am not ADD). I pulled my Control Journal (don't snicker at me!) back out today and am feeling somewhat in control again!

It sits on an easel on my counter. See the flower pressed at the top over the C? That is a flower TJ brought me the other day. Makes me feel good to see it. I made this Control Journal and it is tailored for me. I did not follow anyones template, though the name of the journal comes from flylady. It contains my daily routines.

And a section for my daily housekeeping lists.

Thursday and Saturday are light days and there is no list for Sunday. It is suppose to be a day off, and if I follow the Control Journal that does happen. There is also a Menu/Grocery List section, and a Monthly/Quarterly list that contains those jobs that only need to be done once in a while. It all sounds very OCD, however, it is really an important tool to keep me from going there. I guess in all of the situations in my life that have led to a feeling of not having control, I have went to the extreme when it comes to my desire to keep order and chaos out of my house. Believe me I am not to an unhealthy extreme. I would never ask someone to take off their shoes, I do not comb the fringe on my rugs, and I want people to feel at home and put their feet up on my coffee table if they want to. I would love for my house to be "Dianne ready" all the time. That would be "company ready" for the rest of you. Dianne is my mother-in-love who I have a very high regard for. She would never judge me and has seen my house at it's worst, but her house is amazingly clean. Her own mother raised 12 children (10 boys,then 2 girls) in an immaculate home.

So to implement the Control Journal means I will spend a couple hours a day cleaning and the rest will be my own. That is after home school. Without the Control Journal it seems all I do is clean, or see the need to clean. I am thinking a control journal type schedule might work for quilting too. Mondays could be hand applique, Tuesdays could be machine piecing......no, that is not necessary, because we never have to make ourselves quilt or do the things we love to do. The problem is I can not enjoy quilting if I am in chaos. My goal is not to be known for a clean house or the lady whose floors always shine. I want to be looked at as a person who enjoys life and has a peaceful home. A place of solace and joy. It is finding that balance. I think I am finding my way, but I'll let you know when I get there.