Parenting...The Advanced Course

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 4

How many of us have ever said, "If I only could do it all over again?" If you have raised a child into adulthood (or even into those teen years) I think just maybe you have. I know I have thought that more than a dozen times. The thing is, I got that chance. Not with my boys...you can not go backwards, but with our second set of children. If I look back, I can honestly say I was a good mom. A very good mom no matter what standard you set. I would like to say before I even get started here, that each child is different and sometimes NO MATTER WHAT you do, that child may end up heading down a rough road by his own choices. Still, after raising 2 boys and watching my friends and family raise dozens of children into adulthood, I think I have some definite guidelines I grabbed onto this time around.

The first thing, and the biggest difference this time around, is that my children are home schooled."We proclaim him, admonishing and teaching everyone {our children} with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone {our children} perfect in Christ. To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me." Colossians 1:28-29 (italics...my addition) NIV

I am not here to bash public or private schools. They are absolutely vital for most families. I am blessed to be able to home school my children. The reality is, I could have home schooled my boys too. I did home school Kyle at a certain time in his life, as the program available could not or would not meet his needs. My purpose in home schooling Charlotte and Zach is completely different. The public schools could give them a wonderful education. It could also give them an education I do not want them to have. That of a social learning. I sent Bud to public school his entire life, minus 3rd grade where he attended a Christian school. We lived in a small town where the public schools had one of the highest ratings in the state. He was offered a TOP notch education. "Do not be deceived: "Bad company corrupts good morals." 1 Corinthians 15:33

He graduated and went into the Army. My son was very active in sports, and church groups. He was popular with the boys and the girls and had a very busy social life. He was a good boy by worldly standards. His goal at 15 years old was to be a youth Pastor. He attended youth conferences and he never missed a Sunday or mid week service in his first 18 years of life. I found out later, he often snuck out of the house at night, was drinking by 17, started smoking at 16, was introduced to drugs by the Pastor's son, and had his first run in with the police with that same Pastors son...nothing major...caught swimming in a rock quarry in the middle of the night. He was to be at our Pastors home...they snuck out of there too. In the end my son is a good man, raising a family and working hard. He is also a prodigal. My heart is heavy for him. Could I have done anything different? I don't know. I do know I did my best. Now my best has changed.

"Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is" Ephesians 5:15-17 ESV

I can pick out a home schooled kid a mile away. They are all, for the most part, extremely polite, they are all very close to their siblings, treating each other with the utmost respect (again, for the most part). They are usually children who have great responsibility at home. I have met 17 year old girls who have never made their bed and have never emptied a dishwasher. Home school creates more than an education, it creates a standard of living.

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" 2 Corinthians 6:14 KJV

Another change in this round of parenting, is the social scene for our children. We spend time as a family more than when we were raising the boys. Bud was always too busy with baseball, friends, activities, and we encouraged that. This time around those activities are very limited.

"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4

I'm not saying they have nothing. They go to church weekly and during the school year are involved in Awanas. I am also there...they know that. What they are involved in, I am involved in.

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:19-21

Raising Kyle was different than raising Bud...Kyle is handicapped and so he was more sheltered. He attended church just as his brother did. He did attend a public school most of his life and now works in an environment full of peer pressures (think adults with preteen minds). He LOVES rap music and his favorite "artists" are Kid Rock and Eminem...now let me say Kyle has NEVER owned an Eminem or Kid Rock CD or been allowed to listen to it. THAT is the power of peers pressure! A positive aspect for Kyle has been Special Olympics. Again...we are involved with him. Seeing him light the torch is a top highlight of my life! It is one of my proudest moments as a mother. "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 2:12 ESV

This has been a very different week considering our revamped parenting style. Charlotte went to Church Camp...6 days away from us. It was a difficult decision to let her go. She is wounded and struggles in her daily choices, so I was not sure how she would do. The encouragement from my Pastors, who were there the whole week, helped us to decide to let her go. Letting go....no that is the wrong term. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him." James 1:5 ESV

She is 12. Still very young, and very impressionable. But it's church camp, right? No. that makes no difference. There will still be pressures for her. Is she strong enough? Does she have the ability to do the right thing? Make the right choices? Is she strong enough in the Lord to not allow those worldly influences in? I have a little twinge in my spirit that I am parenting in that same way I did with Bud. I did get a report. (that is Charlotte at her first day at camp with her cabin mates...she is sitting on the stair, bottom right)

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 2:26

Our youth Pastor talked to his wife on Thursday. He told her that Charlotte is the "hit of the camp." Her camp counselors (the 2 older girls in the pic) LOVE her. Why? My first thought is she has "charmed" them. No. That is not it. They say she is the most polite young girl they have ever had. She treats everyone with respect. She has comforted those who are home sick. She keeps her bed and all her personal items neat and in order. She is not ashamed of her swim suit....which is a pair of long shorts and a tank top with a bra underneath. She tells her camp counselors, with a smile on her face, "I choose to be modest in my dress." They are amazed at her knowledge of the scripture and her understanding of God's Word. She talks about her mom all the time and also about her dad and brothers. She acts bonded, just like the other girls. She eats lunch and dinner sitting next to our Youth Pastor and he says she has been more than appropriate. My concerns for her hoarding and gorging were not necessary, I guess. That is the thing. We do not know what kind of a job we are doing as parents. I am a tad tickled at the report I got. She represented herself as I have seen all those other home schooled kids do. PLEASE know I am not saying all public schooled kids are rude and obnoxious. Bud was and is still a polite young man. What I am saying is, my second chance...that parenting style I adapted...is working!"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

Zachary went to Cocokey Water Resort for an overnight with my mom and sister and my sister's grandkids. The report from there was just as good. He was well behaved...a bit overstimulated, as they all were, but he listened. He was polite and well mannered. My mom made a comment to me yesterday. She said, "Your children are very polite and well-behaved. You are a good mom, but your children are too sheltered." I reminded her of the things she had said a few minutes before about my children being so well behaved and appropriate and asked her if she had ever thought that may be the reason. Are my children too sheltered? I do not think I sheltered my boys enough. I respect my mother greatly, but I am doing this round differently. If that means my children appear too sheltered, then that is ok. I take no offense. I missed my Zach when he was gone overnight and I miss Charlotte terribly. She will be home this afternoon. Her new porcelain faced, Anne doll will be waiting for her."Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!" Psalm 127:3-5a ESV

Will this be a regular thing for my kids? Absolutely NOT! It will be the exception, not the rule. There is a new standard this time around. Thankfully, I have my husband's blessing in this. He trusts me to do the absolute best for these kids. I pray my best is God's best for them. Hopefully it will not take a third chance!!!

Be Blessed,

Bren