Today's Lesson For Me

For as the churning of milk produces butter, And wringing the nose produces blood, So the forcing of wrath produces strife.

This was a scripture passage I read today in Proverbs 30. It is verse 33. I was "struck" by it and felt the impact of it's words hit me hard. I parent a difficult child. A child who was unloved the first 3 1/2 years of her life. She is untrusting, distant, rebellious, untrustworthy, superficial, dishonest, and a plethora of other negatives that keep me at arms length. It is the resume of unattached children. Included in that resume is a parent who is hostel and full of wrath. That would be me (incase you never noticed). In reading this scripture, God did not point out her resume, but mine. Though she is all those negatives, she is also innocent. Innocent because this was "done" to her. Is that an excuse? Of course not, but my wrath is not producing in her a trusting spirit, a closeness, an obedience, a trustworthiness, a realness, and honesty and all the other polars to her resume. It is however, producing strife!!
I commit today to rid myself of the wrath built up toward my circumstances, toward the Womb and Vampire, toward others who have turned their backs on this child, and toward her personally, who is innocent, and an empty vessel to be filled with peace. Forgive me, Lord.