Schedules

Some women have a binder, some keep their schedule in their computer, some in a recipe box. Some women use a notebook and create a new schedule everyday or every week, calling it a "to do list". Some women do not require a schedule at all. To those women I give applause. I graciously accept their ability to do what is required with minimal or no forethought. I think most of these women do not have children at home, a homeschooling day to plan, prepare, or execute, a husband who has very high standards, or the busyness I face everyday. I say most, because there are some, a rare few, who can and do, do it well. I am not one of them.

When my boys were young, I used a flipper file described in "The Messie's Manual" As long as I followed it, it worked for me. Laundry has always been an issue for me. I hate to do it and it occasionally piles up on me. Not as often as it use to, but I do remember a time when I would buy bags of socks for my boys because they were out. Hmmmm. Once I counted and my oldest son had 52 pairs of white socks. I am very real here. I do not pretend to be a great organizer. It is not a natural thing for me. That said, I am also not a fool, nor am I ADHD. I do not have a learning disability, and I can think rationally (no offense...I have 3 children who have at least 3 of the conditions I just mentioned...no, one of them is not a fool). I am not an idiot who needs to have it written on a daily schedule to take a shower and get dressed. OK, so it is written down. It is not written down because I might forget....it is written down as a commitment to myself. The other day, we took a day off. That is something we do once in a while. I did not get dressed until 2 pm. I never fully woke up and NOTHING got done that day. The motivation to quilt, sew, play a board game, read a book, was just not there. That is ok once in a while, but because I have this morning routine written down and in a page protector in my binder, it is a commitment I have made to myself. How often do I look at this page in my binder? Never. I should look at it more often as it is a pretty page and it was well planned out. I know I need to run my dishwasher at night in order to maintain my routine. In the past, it would not get run, not because I needed to be "told", but because it was not a routine. The end result would be a dishwasher full of dirty dishes in the morning and breakfast dishes sitting in the sink until well after lunch because the dishwasher needed to run it's cycle, cool off, and be emptied. Now, you rare folks out there who do not need a schedule are thinking, "Yeesh!!! Use your common sense." Well, my commonsense, though well in tact, is usually busy thinking about the other things that need it's attention at that particular moment.

So once my boys got older and things were pretty much in empty nest phase around here, I did not use my flipper file. The need was not there. Then, along came Charlotte and Zach. I am now (then) 40 years old and in a whole new mindset. My time is my own and I have lots of it....for about a minute! Things quickly spun out of control. The house was always a wreck. Laundry piled everywhere, dinners thrown together a half hour before we were to eat, no order, and 2 "special" kids who had more energy than any 2 I had ever seen before in my life. When Charlotte was 5, my days were so chaotic with behaviors, that I felt insane most days. No order to anything and I blamed her. She had spun my life out of control. After Zach came along, I decided a schedule was needed. It was not the strict schedule I have now, but I saw an instant change in Charlotte's behavior. She thrived on a schedule. Zach too.

Why this post? There has been several opinions in blogland lately about scheduling and how there really is no need for it. Use your commonsense. I actually had a family member say in front of me to other family members, "You have to be an idiot to need a piece of paper tell you when to vacuum. You do it when it needs it!" Does having my schedule make me an idiot? I don't think so. I actually think it makes me very wise. I know my limitations and work to make my life easier. I know my daily schedule by heart now. I rarely look at these either.... My detailed cleaning lists are still new and I do look at these often. Here is a confession....with spring break the last few days, I have slacked in the laundry area again. This morning Sweetheart asked, "Where are my socks?" I said, "Oh, I am sorry, they are in the basket on top of the washer. Are you out of socks?" He replied, "Yeah...what's it been like 10 days since you did the laundry???" Now, he was just joking, and said that with a wink, because he knows it is a downfall for me. He has a very dry sense of humor. No matter, he knows after that little joke that all of his socks will be in his drawer when he gets home. What would he say if they weren't?? Nothing. He would just dig more out of the basket of clean ones on the washer, just like he did this morning. This is not how it is meant to be on a daily basis. Once in a while I fail the schedule, but it is there when I jump back on. I am not it's slave...it is my tool. A tool I use to keep my life and the lives of my family running smoothly. Eliminating chaos and confusion.

In reading a blog post by my friend Copperswife this morning, she wrote,

"I know many women don't have a need for keeping such extensive records and schedules at their fingertips. Perhaps they do not, or no longer, homeschool. Perhaps they are empty-nesters and/or retired. Perhaps they are even single women. However, I know that in order for me to keep on top of things in my very busy home, I must have routines and schedules, all of my thoughts recorded, and all of my notes and records in one place." (used with permission)

Isn't she gracious??? I am not so tactful! I just don't want to apologize for needing a schedule to keep my home running smoothly. Not to my extended family, nor to anyone in blogland. Another one of the sections I have in my binder is an "Inspiration" section. Here I have "A Wife's 10 Commandments" printed. They are great advice for a Godly wife to follow. There are 2 in particular that speak to me personally concerning keeping a written schedule. They are...

#4 "You shall work heartily as directed by the Lord and your husband, not by your own ideas of what should be done. You shall not be so busy working that you neglect to get alone time with God everyday. During this quiet time, you shall pray diligently for your husband. Be willing to put aside work in order to "play" when your husband asks you to."

#10 "You shall not covet another woman's husband, children, friends, house, looks, wardrobe, possessions, talents, gifts, ministry, or any other thing that is hers; but you shall be content with all God has given you."

Now this is not quoted scripture...it is advice from another woman (I have no idea to "credit" here.). Here these speak to me in a couple of ways. First, #4 tells me that my way is not the way I should be doing things. I need to seek what God and my husband say about the standard and care required for my home. Yours will be different than mine. I have a friend who's husband really does not care if the bathroom gets a regular cleaning or if the kitchen floor has crumbs. My husband does. Are you screaming inside, "Then let him do it!!!"? I have yelled that myself...and so he does. That feels worse to me than doing it myself! Now #10...I will not covet another woman's ability to keep her house running smoothly without a schedule. I will not look at her as better than me, nor will I think less of a woman who needs a schedule twice as rigorous as mine is. I will not covet her ability to delegate duties to her family, when I feel compelled to do them myself. I will however, learn from other women and be willing to look at myself with eyes wide open and recognize when something is not working for me. I will not covet my friend's husband...his contentment of the home being "lived in" verses my own husband's desire for a very tidy, clean, orderly home. I will recognize my shortcomings without comparing myself to women who are naturally organized.

There! I said it! Think me a fool, or an idiot, or whatever else you want. I do ask that you keep any hateful e-mails to yourself. Let's be gracious in our opinions of each other.

Now I must go switch my laundry around before I need to run to Walmart for new socks!!!